well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
