I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
