I accidentally burped into my bong.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize