At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
