No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
