I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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