You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
