so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
