so let's talk penis.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
