What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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