ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
