the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
