so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
there is glitter all over my balls
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