Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
