i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize