I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
