I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
