I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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