I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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