i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
