somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
