My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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