glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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