Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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