Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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