i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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