I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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