I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
