I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
