My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
