Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
