Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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