The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
