A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize