Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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