I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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