I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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