I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
