just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
