summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
