I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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