Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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