yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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