woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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