just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
