I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
