i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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