And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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