Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
