I cockslap morals
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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