I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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