I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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