FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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