Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
