you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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