walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
