well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
