she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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