There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
