she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
