You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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