drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
