Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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