Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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