well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
