He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
