there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Duck Duck Cougar?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
