im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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