My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
