Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
