I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
too bad you live with your parents still
i barfeds in our rink
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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