I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
